So in last weeks post I stated my case on why I think discipline is necessary. This week I will give you a few ways to put discipline into action. You do have to remember every child is different. What may work for one kid could be a disaster for another. Some strong willed boys will just get super ticked off you spank them. While other kids will act like it is the worst thing that could happen. Some kids will despise time out and do anything to avoid it, while others would just enjoy the quiet alone time. In my opinion a punishment should be unpleasant. No, I did not say horribly painful or torturous but it should cause them to think about what they have done and it should make them think twice about breaking the rules. Punishment is how we show children that there are consequences for bad behavior and it shows we love and care about them. They do not have the logic to understand that bullying will emotionally hurt someone so they get toys taken a way to help them understand it is "painful" to act that way. They do not know that lying could lead to heartache, loss of friendships, jobs, trust or integrity so instead they learn that lying = no chocolate milk. When they get older we teach them the reasoning behind punishment but for now we just teach
inappropriate behavior =consequence.(*Rabbit trail* Christians should be teaching that Christ will love them no matter their behavior. It is hard as a parent to teach that bad behavior means you get in trouble without indirectly saying bad behavior means God is upset with you. It is just part of human nature to attach our behavior to our worth. Try to emphasis that Christ always loves them no matter what they do but that doesn't mean we can go around punching our friends because that is not acting in kindness.) Anyway, here are some ideas for disciplining your child.
5 Ways to Whip Those Suckers Into Shape
1. La la la I Can't Hear You
Time out! A time for both a child and a parent to regain some sense of sanity and control of their emotions. No, it will not look anything like a TV show. No, your child will not go frolicking down the hallway singing, "Time out! Time out! Oh how I love time out!" They will in no way go without a fight but you must do it! You must pick their crazy bodies off the floor, set or toss if you choose, that crazy child onto their bed and say, "You can come out when you are done." I have found this is best for tantrums. I just hold the door shut until they calm down. Yea, it seems a little crazy but they have to learn that tantrums are not okay and you aren't dealing with that crazy town. You don't have to leave them in there for long before any kid under 7 will calm down, give up and then either ask to come out or wait for you to come get them. Then you have a brief conversation about what was going on, give hugs and kisses and move on. Being a kid is hard when you can't say what you want to say or communicate why something is bothering you. If you are in public have a nice time out in the car. When people look at you all crazy just smile and say, "He can't have the cookies he wanted and life is hard." Any parent will just laugh and move on. Non parents will think you are a cruel, cruel individual until they are doing it one day. You do what you have to do as a parent and time out is great for you and your temper tantrum toddler.
2. Bye Bye Barbie
Think of your child's most prized possession. You go it? Now tell them they can't have it for 2 days. Do you see the horror? Oh yea you do. That is because just like you and me they have something they love and will pretty much do anything to keep. I am not saying to hold precious teddy over little Sara's head and say you better obey or she is going in the toilet. I am saying they have a choice. Either you can go and color all over the walls after I told you not to and loose little teddy or you can just obey and cuddle until your hearts content. Now, my example isn't very good because this is more for older kids. A three year old won't really understand why you are taking her favorite toy away. However, a six year old will get real serious when you take away his ds for a few days. A 12 year old will take you seriously when he can't play ps3 because he decided it waaas okay to come home late and then roll his eyes at you. A 8 year old will freak when you say she can't call her bff for a few days because she decided locking her brother outside would be sooo funny. Get creative people. Taking something away and having to earn it back is a great tool for most kids over five.
3. Cinderella
Put those little hands to work. This can apply to kids as young as two in my opinion. Any kid can learn, if you make a mess, you clean it up. If a kid is older, than give them some hard labor. Cleaning bathrooms, yard work, windows, dusting, organizing the junk closet, pretty much anything that would be out of the norm. It is also a great way to teach good stewardship, hard work and patience. This is a great tool for kids that fight with their siblings a lot. Make them do chores together and use team work. Siblings should get a long and be friends. Yes, they will have days where they hate each other but for the most part encourage them to love each other despite differences. It makes me sad when I see two siblings that don't like each other, lock each other out of their bedrooms, beat each other up in a mean way or don't talk at all. Anyway, a little sweat and hard work never hurt anyone. Younger kids can help you clean up messes they make and you can teach them to clean up after themselves. This one is really good for older kids though. Good ole' Pinterest has some great chore ideas.
4. Spanky Spanky
Yes, the most unpopular of all! I wasn't originally going to put this one on the list simple because I was afraid I would lose half my readers but when I told my hubs I wasn't going to put spanking on the list he looked at me sideways. Ha! I mean I am a supporter of it so why wouldn't I write about it right? I have friends who spank and friends who don't so I understand it is not everyone's preference and that is okay. However, I have found it to be extremely effective. I do not chase my child around with a belt or go at his butt like a dirty rug. He only gets spankings for disobedience of the highest degree. In our house that is blatant disobedience and lying. He is sat down and is told why he is getting a spanking. Yea, it hurts a little. Yea, he cries but I know I am not abusing him. I know he understands it is a consequence for intentionally disobeying. I also do not spank with the intention of scaring my child. However, if he thinks about lying and then remembers that his bottom hurt for doing that last time, it served its purpose. I think so many people think they do not want to abuse or hit their child and emotionally scare them for life. I do not really understand that logic because yelling at the top of your lungs is emotionally scarring. Ignoring your child when they desperately want your attention is emotionally scarring. I mean there are a lot more emotionally damaging things that you can do besides popping your child in the butt.
5. Positive Reinforcement
I think this one is so great especially, if you are a teacher or run a classroom of any kind. It is not hard to get a kid to obey when they know how rewarding it is when they do. Positive reinforcement is a way to encourage good behavior with reward and acknowledge the bad behavior by loss of privilege or not getting the reward they could have had. You can have a smiley face board, star chart, coin system or anything you can think of to show them what happens when you act nice. We did marbles in the preschool I worked at. If they obey without complaining, clean their room, say sorry, go a whole day without fighting with their brother/sister, voluntarily do something kind or have a good day they get a coin. They work towards some kind of goal. Small kids can work to get a new toy and older kids can work towards an event or activity they have always wanted to do. There are all kinds of way to use positive reinforcement. However, this only really works well if what they are working for is something they genuinely care about so, always be listening to their wants. It's the same idea that all A's wins a fancy dinner. It is a way to focus on the good things they do to help them see working hard and being kind is much more beneficial.
There is something you must have in order for any of these tactics to even be effective. Consistency. This is the hardest thing of all. I hear mom after mom after mom say "He is just so bad and doesn't listen" or "She is so mean and I can't get her to stop." Oh and "nothing I do works." Yea, I bet nothing you do works since you don't actually do anything you say. In case you didn't know I am the oldest of 8 children. I have also been a babysitter, youth leader and now a children's director so if you are thinking that your kid is different and these ideas won't apply than it is not the discipline that isn't working, it is the lack of consistency. It tickles me a little inside when I start teaching kids. They don't know me. They have no idea that I don't play. I don't let things slide very much. I don't laugh when they say rude jokes. I don't look away when they get in another kids face and stick out their tongue or say "you're weird." I do not think it is sooo fun to rock your chair back and forth and hit the kid behind you. No, they have no idea. So when I say, "Do it again you are sitting by yourself “and then of course they look straight at me and do it again, I respond very quickly with "Go sit in the blue chair." Oh man their faces, the look of "For real? You mean it?" is so priceless. This is not because I am scary. Well, I might be a little intimidating but not because I am mean. They do not listen to me because they just like me. They do not respond with "Yes, mama's" because I gave them the candy they wanted. They respond that way because, they know I am serious. They know that life will be so happy and fun and class will be a blast if they just follow simple rules. They know I love them and want what's best but I am not going to tolerate mean behavior. This is so important. You have to be firm. You have to say no and mean no! You have to say it and then when they ignore you there HAS TO BE a consequence.
inappropriate behavior =consequence.(*Rabbit trail* Christians should be teaching that Christ will love them no matter their behavior. It is hard as a parent to teach that bad behavior means you get in trouble without indirectly saying bad behavior means God is upset with you. It is just part of human nature to attach our behavior to our worth. Try to emphasis that Christ always loves them no matter what they do but that doesn't mean we can go around punching our friends because that is not acting in kindness.) Anyway, here are some ideas for disciplining your child.
5 Ways to Whip Those Suckers Into Shape
1. La la la I Can't Hear You
Time out! A time for both a child and a parent to regain some sense of sanity and control of their emotions. No, it will not look anything like a TV show. No, your child will not go frolicking down the hallway singing, "Time out! Time out! Oh how I love time out!" They will in no way go without a fight but you must do it! You must pick their crazy bodies off the floor, set or toss if you choose, that crazy child onto their bed and say, "You can come out when you are done." I have found this is best for tantrums. I just hold the door shut until they calm down. Yea, it seems a little crazy but they have to learn that tantrums are not okay and you aren't dealing with that crazy town. You don't have to leave them in there for long before any kid under 7 will calm down, give up and then either ask to come out or wait for you to come get them. Then you have a brief conversation about what was going on, give hugs and kisses and move on. Being a kid is hard when you can't say what you want to say or communicate why something is bothering you. If you are in public have a nice time out in the car. When people look at you all crazy just smile and say, "He can't have the cookies he wanted and life is hard." Any parent will just laugh and move on. Non parents will think you are a cruel, cruel individual until they are doing it one day. You do what you have to do as a parent and time out is great for you and your temper tantrum toddler.
2. Bye Bye Barbie
Think of your child's most prized possession. You go it? Now tell them they can't have it for 2 days. Do you see the horror? Oh yea you do. That is because just like you and me they have something they love and will pretty much do anything to keep. I am not saying to hold precious teddy over little Sara's head and say you better obey or she is going in the toilet. I am saying they have a choice. Either you can go and color all over the walls after I told you not to and loose little teddy or you can just obey and cuddle until your hearts content. Now, my example isn't very good because this is more for older kids. A three year old won't really understand why you are taking her favorite toy away. However, a six year old will get real serious when you take away his ds for a few days. A 12 year old will take you seriously when he can't play ps3 because he decided it waaas okay to come home late and then roll his eyes at you. A 8 year old will freak when you say she can't call her bff for a few days because she decided locking her brother outside would be sooo funny. Get creative people. Taking something away and having to earn it back is a great tool for most kids over five.
3. Cinderella
Put those little hands to work. This can apply to kids as young as two in my opinion. Any kid can learn, if you make a mess, you clean it up. If a kid is older, than give them some hard labor. Cleaning bathrooms, yard work, windows, dusting, organizing the junk closet, pretty much anything that would be out of the norm. It is also a great way to teach good stewardship, hard work and patience. This is a great tool for kids that fight with their siblings a lot. Make them do chores together and use team work. Siblings should get a long and be friends. Yes, they will have days where they hate each other but for the most part encourage them to love each other despite differences. It makes me sad when I see two siblings that don't like each other, lock each other out of their bedrooms, beat each other up in a mean way or don't talk at all. Anyway, a little sweat and hard work never hurt anyone. Younger kids can help you clean up messes they make and you can teach them to clean up after themselves. This one is really good for older kids though. Good ole' Pinterest has some great chore ideas.
4. Spanky Spanky
Yes, the most unpopular of all! I wasn't originally going to put this one on the list simple because I was afraid I would lose half my readers but when I told my hubs I wasn't going to put spanking on the list he looked at me sideways. Ha! I mean I am a supporter of it so why wouldn't I write about it right? I have friends who spank and friends who don't so I understand it is not everyone's preference and that is okay. However, I have found it to be extremely effective. I do not chase my child around with a belt or go at his butt like a dirty rug. He only gets spankings for disobedience of the highest degree. In our house that is blatant disobedience and lying. He is sat down and is told why he is getting a spanking. Yea, it hurts a little. Yea, he cries but I know I am not abusing him. I know he understands it is a consequence for intentionally disobeying. I also do not spank with the intention of scaring my child. However, if he thinks about lying and then remembers that his bottom hurt for doing that last time, it served its purpose. I think so many people think they do not want to abuse or hit their child and emotionally scare them for life. I do not really understand that logic because yelling at the top of your lungs is emotionally scarring. Ignoring your child when they desperately want your attention is emotionally scarring. I mean there are a lot more emotionally damaging things that you can do besides popping your child in the butt.
5. Positive Reinforcement
I think this one is so great especially, if you are a teacher or run a classroom of any kind. It is not hard to get a kid to obey when they know how rewarding it is when they do. Positive reinforcement is a way to encourage good behavior with reward and acknowledge the bad behavior by loss of privilege or not getting the reward they could have had. You can have a smiley face board, star chart, coin system or anything you can think of to show them what happens when you act nice. We did marbles in the preschool I worked at. If they obey without complaining, clean their room, say sorry, go a whole day without fighting with their brother/sister, voluntarily do something kind or have a good day they get a coin. They work towards some kind of goal. Small kids can work to get a new toy and older kids can work towards an event or activity they have always wanted to do. There are all kinds of way to use positive reinforcement. However, this only really works well if what they are working for is something they genuinely care about so, always be listening to their wants. It's the same idea that all A's wins a fancy dinner. It is a way to focus on the good things they do to help them see working hard and being kind is much more beneficial.
There is something you must have in order for any of these tactics to even be effective. Consistency. This is the hardest thing of all. I hear mom after mom after mom say "He is just so bad and doesn't listen" or "She is so mean and I can't get her to stop." Oh and "nothing I do works." Yea, I bet nothing you do works since you don't actually do anything you say. In case you didn't know I am the oldest of 8 children. I have also been a babysitter, youth leader and now a children's director so if you are thinking that your kid is different and these ideas won't apply than it is not the discipline that isn't working, it is the lack of consistency. It tickles me a little inside when I start teaching kids. They don't know me. They have no idea that I don't play. I don't let things slide very much. I don't laugh when they say rude jokes. I don't look away when they get in another kids face and stick out their tongue or say "you're weird." I do not think it is sooo fun to rock your chair back and forth and hit the kid behind you. No, they have no idea. So when I say, "Do it again you are sitting by yourself “and then of course they look straight at me and do it again, I respond very quickly with "Go sit in the blue chair." Oh man their faces, the look of "For real? You mean it?" is so priceless. This is not because I am scary. Well, I might be a little intimidating but not because I am mean. They do not listen to me because they just like me. They do not respond with "Yes, mama's" because I gave them the candy they wanted. They respond that way because, they know I am serious. They know that life will be so happy and fun and class will be a blast if they just follow simple rules. They know I love them and want what's best but I am not going to tolerate mean behavior. This is so important. You have to be firm. You have to say no and mean no! You have to say it and then when they ignore you there HAS TO BE a consequence.