Your heart is racing and palms are sweaty. You have a look of determination and fire in your eyes. You approach the automatic sliding doors knowing that once your feet hit that floor all happiness will cease. All joy will be a thing of the past and the nightmare will begin. You walk towards those loud, squeaky carts in hopes of grabbing one that will not pull so hard to the left that your whole left side got a workout. You place one child in the front and one child is told to hold on to the side and if his fingers even think of moving you will not get him his beloved candy bar. You pull out your list and take a deep breath and begin.
Oh the grocery store, a place of wonders for children and torture for parents. It's a place full of all things sugary, sweet, colorful, and fun. It is not most people's favorite place to go, especially, with little ones. I, for one, come close to punching one or two rude people and saying to my son "if you ask me for one more thing I will take all your toys and burn them in a fire when we get home." Do not make that face at me, you all know you have done it or thought something like it. Their cute little voices turn into nails on a chalkboard saying, "Can I have that? Can get this? I want one of those." OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD SHUT UP...but you just stare blankly at your list and say, "No, not today buddy", while your eye begins to twitch. If you haven't experienced the nagger I am sure you have experienced the whiner. "MMOOOMM I am so tired, my legs hurt, my eyes hurt, my face hurts, I don't like that kind, I don't want that juice." Yea, well you make my face hurt and I like this juice and will drink all of it by myself and don’t you dare ask for even one drop. Ha, okay that won't help but it is how we feel sometimes. So there is a nagger, whiner and then the temper tantrum cry baby aka your baby is sleepy as bump so take his butt home. They just whine and cry and cry and cry and then when you try to calm them down they burst out into “MOM I HATE YOU, MOM YOU BEAT ME, MOM YOU MEAN, MOM YOU ARE HURTING ME, WWWAAAAHHHHH.” Yea, you are about to feel some real pain kid, because we are about to go home with no dinner and you get to go to sleep hungry. There are so many grocery store nightmares. The question is, how do we avoid them? Here are a few ideas on how to avoid grocery store torture.
1. ZZzzZZzzzzzz
Do NOT, under any circumstances, go to the store with sleepy children! It is a death wish. I am flashing the warning signs for you! It is a bad idea. Eat bread and water for dinner. Wash your hair with dish soap. Put a paper towel diaper on his butt. Just DO NOT GO TO THE STORE!
2. MMmmM Snacks
Buy a snack and shove it in their little mouths. Keep the package for the check out and call it a day.
3. The Master Plan
No lolly gagging. If you can get it to be under 45 minutes to an hour than you will have much less chance of a child melt down. I just start at produce and run through every aisle grabbing only what I need and avoiding aisles that cause temptation and "can I have's" aka the cookie aisle. You don't need those cookies and neither does your child. Just saying. As you walk through each aisle if you even hear them breathe in for air to start a “can I have” just say NO!
4. Treat'em or Beat'em...Don't really beat them.
Discipline your children! OOOh yea I did. Spankings in public are not only embarrassing for you but for your child as well. One or two times will cure them for life. Don’t buy them their treat. Don’t let them walk. Call their daddy and make them talk to him. Stick to your guns. If you don’t play they will now that what you say goes, time out two hours later WILL NEVER BE EFFECTIVE. Kids need immediate correction otherwise they do not know why they are getting in trouble later and it is not as impactful. If they do behave then you reward them not give them what they want while saying “oh please please be quiet”…You are a sucker and that kid knows he has you.
5. Goodbye
Take them home! Just do it. Leave your stuff and run. Run very quickly. Throw them into their seat and drive. Giving up is not always bad. Sanity is much better than milk. Eating pb&j one more time just sounds better than a migraine.
6. Get over it!
This is to all the rude people who mean mug moms. You can just stop with your little snarky faces, eyes rolls, puffs, huffs, head shakes and whispers. People who don't have a child really have no room to say a word and if you have children than shame on you. Your children are not perfect no matter what you think. Hearing a child cry will not kill you. If you want to do anything you could maybe, help that poor woman out somehow. Give that mom a hug, tell her she is doing a great job, or pick up that box their kid just chucked on the ground; if you aren't going to be kind than just move along. I understand there are some super bratty kids in this world and I am very aware that parents can enable bratty behavior but it will not help anyone by being rude. Your little look did not change a thing; it just made that woman feel small or angry. I am going to make shirts that say “bully” on them and hand them out to all of you. Yea, that may seem like a bully too but you know ha-ha!
The grocery store can be a dark scary place if not taken seriously. Be firm, loving and diligent and you can overcome the grocery store dilemma. I know you will still have to avoid the crazy person who tries to run you over with her cart, the lady on the electric scooter who thinks she owns the aisle, the man who stands right in the way and won't move even when you say EXCUSE ME 100 times, the oblivious people who walk around as if they are the only people in the whole store and then look at you crazy when they almost hit you with their cart and oh so much more but that is part of living on planet Earth. Oh people, how human like they are.
Good luck!
The Honest Mom