If you are a parent you have most likely had an experience like the one I am going to share with you today. That moment when the smell hits you in the face. It is like a million little bees have flown into your nostrils and assaulted you with their little tiny stingers of death. It is the dreaded moment when you know in the depth of your soul that this, oh this, is going to be a poop of epic proportions. You remember what they ate the night before. You remember that they hadn't pooped in a couple days. You remember what those grapes did to you a few weeks ago. You mentally prepare for what could be the worst 10-20 minutes of your existence. You look around to see if there is anyone who would be willing to change, what could be, the nastiest diaper of all time. You make eye contact with your spouse or significant other and both of you know. The eye battle begins. You stare hard and shake your head. They aren't going to give in so easy. You smile and resort to bribery, "If you just change this one, I will change the next 4?" They know it is a ploy. They practically stiff arm you straight into the horrid, public bathroom, where your journey will truly begin.
Or your life is nothing like that and you walk in open the diaper and it is like the scene from Daddy Day Care where Eddy Murphy opens the bathroom door. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUNN!
Okay, but for real! Please, oh please let me share my diaper horror story with you. I have had one with Aiden. He chucked his poopy diaper on the floor and smeared his poop all over the crib. However, it pails in comparison to the Cole poop story. I can handle poop in my own home, behind my nice closed door, where I can gag, cry and possibly say an array of words others may not prefer, in private. No, I cannot handle it in public restrooms, on changing tables out in the open, where all the teenagers, judge-y women and poor single people have to witness the horror that is my poop covered child.
Let me start from the beginning. My little family decided we would go to a wonderful little chicken eatery while our oil was being changed. We walk in with nice big smiles, Aiden begins to jump up and down saying, "Can I play first? Can I play first?" while holding his hands together and giving me the "oh please oh please smile." I send him on his merry way and my handsome hubs says he thinks my little bundle of cuteness, Cole, may have a poo. My husband has some super freaky nose power. He can kiss me for half a second and tell me what I ate. He is rarely wrong. Anyway, I grab the diaper bag and the baby and head the bathroom. I have never had a "blow out" with Cole before so I wasn't really thinking about it. Well, let me just tell you, I should have been worried. I should have been real stink'n worried because that kid had a load like none other. I do not even know how it is physically possible for a human so tiny to produce so much nastiness. I went into the bathroom and to my surprise when I opened the door it practically hit the wall. I am not even kidding. This bathroom could win an award. It was tiny! Then I see it. The changing table, it is not inside a stall but conveniently, or inconveniently, placed across the sink but slightly in front of a bathroom stall. I laid Cole down and prepared a fresh diaper and opened the wipes before opening up his diaper. When I do, it is like my nightmares have been born. Poop, so much poop. Up his back, on his clothes, EVERYWHERE. Then what happens next makes me cringe. My sweet little turd of joy, very quickly, sticks his hand straight into his poo. Just a good innocent grab for his boy parts but he has no idea that he has just turned what was a nasty circumstance, into a horror film. I quickly grab the hand and pull out a wipe and clean his hand. He then takes his other hand and gets so close to doing it all over again. Then the wiggling begins. I begin to try and and wipe his little bum as fast as physically possible. The poop just never ends. Are the wipes even doing anything? Is this poop like magic? I then realize I have to remove his clothes before it gets all over his back. I then try to carefully peel off his shirt but of course his wiggling causes poo to get everywhere. His back, neck, hands, arms, the changing table now have poop on it. I am freaking out. All I am thinking is, "get this kid clean before anyone walks in here." I begin wiping everything while trying to keep him on the table, trying to keep poop off me, and trying to keep everything from falling on the ground. I go to grab a bag to put the dirty clothes in but with one had that is nearly impossible and end up just getting poop on the OUTSIDE of the bag...so I then have to get ANOTHER BAG and put that bag inside the other. By now my diaper bag has fallen on the ground, all my diaper baggies have fallen and scattered on the floor, even more of the changing table and managed to get poop on it, my nursing blanket has poop on it, and now Cole is trying to jump off the table. I strip him naked, wipe down him completely then hold him in my arm as I wipe the whole changing table, then get hand sanitizer and put it ALL OVER the changing table just in case all the wipes didn't do the trick. I am so serious when I say that God truly loves me, a lady walked in right after I had cleaned it all and thrown all the evidence away. I mean Cole was sitting butt naked on the changing table but hey, people think that is adorable. She makes a comment about how sweet he is and she remembers those days. I let out a puff and say "Yea, they poop everywhere" and she just laughs. I then diaper and dress my child, check my clothes for poop, wash my hands the best I can holding a baby and walk out of the bathroom. My husband is standing right out side the door and just looks at me with huge eyes like "you were in there forever." I know he knew what just went down because his, what I call "lovey eyes", turned on and big grin came to his face and he just asked "Is everything okay?" Hhaha Oh man!
If you have been a parent longer than 6 months than you probably know my pain. If you have not had this happen or something similar and your child is still in diapers than you better be on your guard because one day, when you least expect it, it will happen too you.
I do have a few small tips to help with "blow outs"
1. ALWAYS have one extra outfit for baby
2. ALWAYS have a plastic bag or those nifty diaper baggies for dirty clothes
3. If you child starts leaking out of their diaper all of a sudden than you need to go up a size asap! The poo up the back is much less likely to happen.
4. Laugh about it because it is part of being a parent
Or your life is nothing like that and you walk in open the diaper and it is like the scene from Daddy Day Care where Eddy Murphy opens the bathroom door. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUNN!
Okay, but for real! Please, oh please let me share my diaper horror story with you. I have had one with Aiden. He chucked his poopy diaper on the floor and smeared his poop all over the crib. However, it pails in comparison to the Cole poop story. I can handle poop in my own home, behind my nice closed door, where I can gag, cry and possibly say an array of words others may not prefer, in private. No, I cannot handle it in public restrooms, on changing tables out in the open, where all the teenagers, judge-y women and poor single people have to witness the horror that is my poop covered child.
Let me start from the beginning. My little family decided we would go to a wonderful little chicken eatery while our oil was being changed. We walk in with nice big smiles, Aiden begins to jump up and down saying, "Can I play first? Can I play first?" while holding his hands together and giving me the "oh please oh please smile." I send him on his merry way and my handsome hubs says he thinks my little bundle of cuteness, Cole, may have a poo. My husband has some super freaky nose power. He can kiss me for half a second and tell me what I ate. He is rarely wrong. Anyway, I grab the diaper bag and the baby and head the bathroom. I have never had a "blow out" with Cole before so I wasn't really thinking about it. Well, let me just tell you, I should have been worried. I should have been real stink'n worried because that kid had a load like none other. I do not even know how it is physically possible for a human so tiny to produce so much nastiness. I went into the bathroom and to my surprise when I opened the door it practically hit the wall. I am not even kidding. This bathroom could win an award. It was tiny! Then I see it. The changing table, it is not inside a stall but conveniently, or inconveniently, placed across the sink but slightly in front of a bathroom stall. I laid Cole down and prepared a fresh diaper and opened the wipes before opening up his diaper. When I do, it is like my nightmares have been born. Poop, so much poop. Up his back, on his clothes, EVERYWHERE. Then what happens next makes me cringe. My sweet little turd of joy, very quickly, sticks his hand straight into his poo. Just a good innocent grab for his boy parts but he has no idea that he has just turned what was a nasty circumstance, into a horror film. I quickly grab the hand and pull out a wipe and clean his hand. He then takes his other hand and gets so close to doing it all over again. Then the wiggling begins. I begin to try and and wipe his little bum as fast as physically possible. The poop just never ends. Are the wipes even doing anything? Is this poop like magic? I then realize I have to remove his clothes before it gets all over his back. I then try to carefully peel off his shirt but of course his wiggling causes poo to get everywhere. His back, neck, hands, arms, the changing table now have poop on it. I am freaking out. All I am thinking is, "get this kid clean before anyone walks in here." I begin wiping everything while trying to keep him on the table, trying to keep poop off me, and trying to keep everything from falling on the ground. I go to grab a bag to put the dirty clothes in but with one had that is nearly impossible and end up just getting poop on the OUTSIDE of the bag...so I then have to get ANOTHER BAG and put that bag inside the other. By now my diaper bag has fallen on the ground, all my diaper baggies have fallen and scattered on the floor, even more of the changing table and managed to get poop on it, my nursing blanket has poop on it, and now Cole is trying to jump off the table. I strip him naked, wipe down him completely then hold him in my arm as I wipe the whole changing table, then get hand sanitizer and put it ALL OVER the changing table just in case all the wipes didn't do the trick. I am so serious when I say that God truly loves me, a lady walked in right after I had cleaned it all and thrown all the evidence away. I mean Cole was sitting butt naked on the changing table but hey, people think that is adorable. She makes a comment about how sweet he is and she remembers those days. I let out a puff and say "Yea, they poop everywhere" and she just laughs. I then diaper and dress my child, check my clothes for poop, wash my hands the best I can holding a baby and walk out of the bathroom. My husband is standing right out side the door and just looks at me with huge eyes like "you were in there forever." I know he knew what just went down because his, what I call "lovey eyes", turned on and big grin came to his face and he just asked "Is everything okay?" Hhaha Oh man!
If you have been a parent longer than 6 months than you probably know my pain. If you have not had this happen or something similar and your child is still in diapers than you better be on your guard because one day, when you least expect it, it will happen too you.
I do have a few small tips to help with "blow outs"
1. ALWAYS have one extra outfit for baby
2. ALWAYS have a plastic bag or those nifty diaper baggies for dirty clothes
3. If you child starts leaking out of their diaper all of a sudden than you need to go up a size asap! The poo up the back is much less likely to happen.
4. Laugh about it because it is part of being a parent